Day 14 - Winning Souls

I'm not advocating that you withhold discipline from your children -- not at all. All I am saying is beware of falling into the age-old trap of believing that the law can do in the hearts of your children what only grace can accomplish. I've fallen in the trap myself; not just in parenting but in my own walk. Obedience can either be a sign of mere behavior modification, or a sign of total heart transformation; and only a heavy, continuous dose of grace can ever bring about the latter. The law focuses on winning a battle, grace focuses on winning a soul.

Day 13- Listening

I try to listen to what my children are saying. Not hear what they are saying, but listen...really listen. Nonetheless, I still catch myself doing the whole "yeah, hmm, uh huh, cool..." thing, but not really listening. When this happens, I stop whatever I'm doing (this usually means putting my phone down), I look into their eyes as they speak to me -- and I do my best, my honest best, to give them a genuine and thoughtful response to whatever they've said. You wouldn't believe how hard this is to do. It is so tempting to half-listen or half-respond. It is so tempting to let my mind wander to the next thing on my to-do list, but I feel that listening (closely) is one of the most simple, yet most profound ways, I can serve my children. 

Day 8 - How They Look on Paper

Posted this pic for no other reason than it makes me smile! 

I've noticed that when people talk about their children they always describe them in terms of how they look on paper, (i.e., "I have 2 kids in college, 1 working on his masters, and the other is an engineer.")

I'm not sure why this is our default way of describing our children. Do we think that their success or our success is measured by these things? And if so, why? 

Next time someone tells me about their children I want to hear, "I have the four happiest children ever! Oh, and they all love the Lord!" 

Now, *that* would be a success story! You can look fantastic on paper and still be miserable - trust me, I know. I want to hear about WHO your kids are, not WHAT they do.

Day 7 - Control

Being a controlling parent is usually a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think that your kids are sneaky, manipulative, and disobedient, and maybe they are -- but that's probably the effect of your control rather than the cause. 

Day 6 - Learning vs. Teaching

Today, my pastor gave a perfect analogy for my education philosophy. He described how when you get a new tool or your child gets a new present, you don’t get out the instruction manual first, read it and then just leave the tool or toy in the box. No, you rip open the box, get out the toy or tool and you start trying to use it. Then, a few minutes into it you realize, “Oh, I may need to read some instructions on how to use this thing.” So, then you start reading the instructions; but now, unlike before, the instructions have meaning and real life application. 

He was using this analogy in the context of faith. He was trying to say that faith and courage can’t be taught or grow stronger in a bible study or by listening to a sermon on Sunday morning, but rather only when you get out into the real world and you’re faced with moments that stretch you, do you start realizing your need for Biblical teaching and knowledge. No matter how true Biblical knowledge may be, it is worthless unless it is also interesting and applicable.

I view education this same way. Unless a child finds a particular set of information interesting and applicable, they will not listen, not care, and probably forget whatever you try to teach them – regardless of how factual or necessary you think it is. On the other hand, if you allow a child to become their own teacher, they will follow their own passions, and as they encounter experiences in life that they are unequipped for, they will then seek out the knowledge necessary to accomplish whatever goal they have set for themselves. Instead of simply being TAUGHT the information, they will truly LEARN it. There is a difference between being taught and learning. Even Albert Einstein said, “I never teach my pupils, I only provide the conditions in which they can learn.”

Just as becoming a courageous and faithful servant of the Lord can’t occur by means of merely acquiring more theological knowledge, becoming a truly intelligent, creative, and educated person can’t occur by merely filling the mind with more facts. When a skill is mastered in the context of interest and need in the real world, only then is it truly learned.